Sometimes you see art and you wonder why it moves you. It can be because there is not a moment in your life you will be capable of achieving what it can depict or worse it can be used to tell you that pain is beautiful .
I just finished watching the movie Great Expectations. I have seen it before so many times and I saw it again with the same wonder, the same pain and the same sense of beauty. When she held his hand I felt it too… Estella sounds like a magic word…it has always been that way for me. I have had my Estella for years in my dreams. I had seen her when I was in bed one morning with my eyes closed wanting to know I was worth loving. That was so long ago and I can still remember the countless hours I have wasted imagining her. The wonder in my dreams was that I saw the pain Finn felt and yet I love her too. As if the pain made the love more beautiful than it could have been on its own.
The story of the convict, Finn’s benefactor made me feel the light of goodness on me. I thought I could feel it and tell myself that this is what is worth living for. That was an argument that I closed .Estella has never been an argument. She has been the one who has made all this perception worthwhile.
I have said the things I have said here because I can and I have to. It is just a wonder why I have waited for too long to describe my thoughts in this particular fashion. It is special when you have seen the movie before or know the story. The pain is always lurking around because you know what is going to happen but despite that it arrives with precision only when it should and hits with the same intensity every time .this book is almost like a gift only for me. It has taught me so much. It has made me look at things so differently and so much so that I can write down what you have just read making it hardly comprehensible and leading to the conclusion that I think too much.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Friday, May 1, 2009
momentary lapse of reason...
A momentary lapse of reason is such a beautiful thing in itself. It brings you an unfinished product from your innermost voice. Without this momentary lapse of reason the world would be like a desert with sand dunes carefully crafted by the wind over time and we would never see the beauty of the mountains. They look like they are the result of a sudden surge of passion of the earth resulting from a longing to be one with the heaven.
more on this later...the moments are rare...but they will come to me again...
more on this later...the moments are rare...but they will come to me again...
random quirks...
The lights just went out…I like this when it happens as it gives everyone a chance of being who they want to be…its come back , now they shall only be what the world had made them….
If you leave me now I will have your memory and will always keep the feeling of this sudden rush the day I felt your hand like it had always been for me to touch….
Why does it seem to me the love has always been of greater consequence to me then the lover…?
Love does so many things for me. It makes me do injustice to myself and it always makes me learn to do such injustice and love myself for it…
If you leave me now I will have your memory and will always keep the feeling of this sudden rush the day I felt your hand like it had always been for me to touch….
Why does it seem to me the love has always been of greater consequence to me then the lover…?
Love does so many things for me. It makes me do injustice to myself and it always makes me learn to do such injustice and love myself for it…
the marine drive moment...
I think I can say I know a thing or two about pretence .It easy to pretend I am working now in the office. It is easy to pretend that I am happy with what I have been doing as work. But it is difficult to pretend that I am fond of the some people here and most difficult to pretend that I am being completely honest right now.
The music of Pink Floyd pours into me nerves calming the irritation caused by the incessant need to go far far away from here. I have not had good sleep at night for days now. My mother used to tell me that there is no one more unhappy than the man who cannot sleep well at night.
My eyes betray my brain which wants to express my thoughts as if they fear the sentiment escaping me and so keeps slumber at an arms length of desire. This is a rush of words and a text of floating sentiments.
Now I suddenly want to be in a room all alone with the speakers blaring channelizing the energy of the song into my body and making me feel mad with vigour. It shall make myself play furiously on my imaginary instrument which is the only gift of a precious hallucination that makes my world come alive.
Now this moment is escaping me, this moment of sudden clarity and I want to say Don’t walk away ….Don’t walk away when my world is burning…Don’t walk away when the hearts still yearning….Don’t walk away…
The music of Pink Floyd pours into me nerves calming the irritation caused by the incessant need to go far far away from here. I have not had good sleep at night for days now. My mother used to tell me that there is no one more unhappy than the man who cannot sleep well at night.
My eyes betray my brain which wants to express my thoughts as if they fear the sentiment escaping me and so keeps slumber at an arms length of desire. This is a rush of words and a text of floating sentiments.
Now I suddenly want to be in a room all alone with the speakers blaring channelizing the energy of the song into my body and making me feel mad with vigour. It shall make myself play furiously on my imaginary instrument which is the only gift of a precious hallucination that makes my world come alive.
Now this moment is escaping me, this moment of sudden clarity and I want to say Don’t walk away ….Don’t walk away when my world is burning…Don’t walk away when the hearts still yearning….Don’t walk away…
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